


Paper

by VioletLopez



Series: Dear Evan Hansen drabbles [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Confusing Shit, M/M, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, This was a prompt on Tumblr, but that doesn't really matter because it's just emotional shit anyway, i think it's angsty, the author does not like speaking in third person, the author gives up, the author is going to stop with the useless tags now, the author is so fucking confused, the poor boys just can't find happiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-12 03:06:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11152935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletLopez/pseuds/VioletLopez
Summary: Trust is a fragile thing.Connor is bitter, Jared is regretful.





	Paper

**Author's Note:**

> I think the point of view might be confusing. If so, let me know, because I love constructive criticism!

Trust is a fragile thing.

“Loving the new hair length. Very school shooter chic.”

Trust is gentle like the hands that once ran across my bare skin, sweet like the kisses once peppered over my face, breakable like the man who once loved me.

“It was just a joke.”

There is no trace of trust in your face, no hint of the blushing, open-faced honesty you used to display. I almost miss the sweet taste of love in my mouth, the gentle caress of fingers in my hair, the beautiful sight of pale skin and trusting blue eyes.

Why had Connor ever trusted me?

“You know, I was kidding?”

I was kidding when I said I loved you. Really, I was. I don’t miss seeing you smile, or hearing you laugh, or the way your hand always fit so very perfectly in mine or how your lips tasted like dreams come true because that’s so stupid. Really very stupid. I don’t why I said I loved you.

Why did I ever trust Connor?

“Yeah, no, I’m laughing.”

I laughed when you left, Jared. When I woke up and you were gone. And no, it wasn’t maniac laughter and it wasn’t steeped in sadness and loss. I was happy you were gone. Really very happy.

You really thought I trusted you?

“Can you tell?”

Can’t you tell how much I hate you, Jared? Can’t you see how much I don’t miss you being so fucking clingy, kissing me every chance you had, laying with your head on my chest  
so you could hear my heartbeat.

Can’t you tell that I was joking when I said it was beating for you?

“Am I not laughing hard enough for you?”

You took my hoodie. I know you did because when I woke up you were both gone, you and the hoodie. I laughed, laughed so hard I started crying and then I couldn’t stop because I trusted you, goddammit, and you fucking left me in the dirt. Like I was nothing.

“Freak.”

God, Connor, I trusted you. I didn’t mean to hurt you by leaving, I really didn’t. I thought you would call me, like always. I trusted you to call, and you didn’t fucking do it.  
I was scared that you would wake up and see me and regret everything. I thought you would be disgusted with me, with my body. I thought you would leave me.

Trust is a fragile thing, as fragile as a piece of paper. A piece of paper, with words inked onto to it in the blood of intertwined hearts; words like love, like peace, like gentleness and sweetness and laughter; a piece of paper that has been ripped in half again and again and can no longer be repaired.

All we can do now is burn it.

God, Connor, didn’t you know I loved you?

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it, check out one of my three Tumblr blogs:
> 
> @lucymhelen aka the one that I don't care about but I'll still write on sometimes (mostly poetry)
> 
> @emrysfuckingpendragon aka my main
> 
> @mynameisconnormurphy aka the one I write DEH/Be More Chill drabbles on
> 
> Stay safe, loves!


End file.
